KayTeens

i gave myself

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:46:56 -0600

3, yes 3 consecutive panic attacks. One was from setting my alarm two hours ahead to think that I could be late/force me to wake up earlier causing me to think I had not scheduled cleaning, packing and reading very well. 2nd was from thinking I ran out of water bottles in my apartment was was going to be forced to drink tap water (which at the WV and UH apartments, are nasty. Lastly I couldn’t find my glasses which in turns mean I cannot see/drive…I don’t have any contacts left and I need to find a way to shove my closet into a bag packed for home…

This is going to be hell.

This is what I felt

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:15:04 -0600

Today I felt like I raped the chemistry final. Raped it and refused to cuddle afterwards. THEREFORE, my final grade, if calculated correctly I will end up with an A- in the class. Which overall satisfies me in every way possible.

Today I felt like I was going to die in the hours before the test; crawling on the ground bawling like a child, rolling in the living room floor and cramming my notes. I was so incredibly scared for this final, knowing that a good grade could replace a bad exam grade (ahem my 77) and count as a final grade also. Goodness, the stress. But that’s okay, it’s okay.

Ah, tu as parle francais?

Bien! je parle aussi, et je pense que….

let’s save that for later.

so cryptic. so far. so silent.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:32:24 -0600

honeyhands: (via loveyourchaos) indescribable; nostalgic.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:52:41 -0600

honeyhands:

(via loveyourchaos)

indescribable; nostalgic.

yeah.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:30:33 -0600

yeah.

robot-heart: all the shiny kids like to hang out together (via...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:34:10 -0600

robot-heart:

all the shiny kids like to hang out together (via tamelyn)

Wishing I wasn’t so poor from school to have the ability to decorate the apartment. Oh well, I got a cute gift exchange coming up :]

can I quit this shit now?

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 01:11:58 -0600

please? I hate it more than anyone else could hate anything.

don’t believe me? Take one for yourself.

I love you. Keep holding On- Glee

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:31:50 -0600

I love you.

Keep holding On- Glee

its kind of a waste if you ask me.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:59:54 -0600

rssll5:

Because nobody even goes to people’s actual blogs. they just check their dashboard. But anyways i like my new tumblr layout. so if you wanna click on my little picture you can see it :)

I made it fit my needs :] I turned it into a tropical paradise with the splashes of pink and greens!

Today

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 05:15:09 -0600

I met someone going through a similar situation that I am in. He is scared as much as I have been avoiding the topic at hand for months. He also pops 8 + pills daily to obtain normalcy, he has also attempted to flush them down toilets, set them on fire etc etc…

He also goes through withdrawals from friends; contemplates silently often; goes through frequent blackouts and frequent random body aches. He suffers manic and random depressions that drive one insane. He writes a ton; all the thoughts that haunt his mind or that simply intrigue him.

He also questions his path of what to do from here, as I have turned a way multiple, multiple times.

Today I saw him cry, and he watched me hold back whatever tears I did have. Today I freaked out because I didn’t want to do it anymore. Today we sat in the silence of a rehearsal room, with Jeanie listening to the same ideas being portrayed in different bodies. Today, I wanted to agree to his motives and chuck my medication away.

We ignored the calculus review and let the practicing pianos surround our senses until we drowned out the tears with silence.

Red Eye

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 08:02:49 -0600

Venti. Get three pumps of white mocha while you’re at it. Make sure they fill it to the rim; make sure the steam fogs your glasses. Take that corner at starbucks, the one strategically placed with an outlet, take it for yourself and plug in. Ear buds in, books out, music on, zone out.

Make sure your working; working fast, working slow, just working.

When needed, take a walk around the volumes of books, expand your “vernacular”, wonder aimlessly. I fall in love with the empty journals, the moleskines, and the many many planners/agendas. I want to write fervently, without thought. I’ve yet to give myself that time of day. I want to feel something. I have yet felt anything tug at my hear strings. I felt fear today though, that was something. I felt unmoved and numb.

I’ve yet taken a nap, my eyes do not call for sleep. I want to feel productive BE productive. I want to not be the lonely panda bear. I want to know something.

je sais. je sais. je sais.

mais…Je t’aime encore tellement du tout mon coeur…si vous croyez le ou non…J’ai pense que vous aimeriez savoir.

"I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there was no one else that you could ever be..."

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 07:51:18 -0600

“I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there was no one else that you could ever be with and that you wanted to be with me.”

- One Tree Hill (via eletheowl)

sign brown eyed girls

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 06:02:17 -0600

sign brown eyed girls

written quietly

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 21:35:30 -0600

for those who blog, and enjoy blogging, HUZZAH to you; this is my sanctuary, where my thoughts come together and form into little sentences that dance across the page.

This isn’t something I share lightly.

(via eletheowl) every fucking day, I swear.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 22:13:37 -0600

(via eletheowl)

every fucking day, I swear.

This is what it is

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 06:34:30 -0600

oil stains on glass,

oil on the walls. Perspiration remaining on the very thread of each fabric and your scent still lingering on what I wore last with you.

sleep deprived, for reals. I’m taking Rosanna’s couch.

clever creature on it’s perch, inside a sleeve that keeps...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:47:22 -0600

clever creature on it’s perch, inside a sleeve that keeps him warm.

Too bad he cawed and I ran, and I ran towards the aquarium (an area that makes me queasy and nauseated because live fish scare me.)

last day of school tomorrow, exams for forever. I’d like some care.

Tell me

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 03:35:35 -0600

Tell me now.

icanread: (by theskyispink)

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 18:15:33 -0600

icanread:

(by theskyispink)

Speechless. I adore her for her musicality, what I would do for...

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 06:24:55 -0600

Speechless. I adore her for her musicality, what I would do for such talent…