Writing to Strangers

hello, Oh Nine.

speaking of which, I liked what Slyvii did with her year end review, so without hope that anyone ever stumbles upon this and reads I’mma post a few reflections, observations, etc of the year.

January
Let us see here, I came out of a bad break up, a terrible break up. The month was literally a blur to me. All I do remember was having Crystal wake up with me for a week keeping me company and that I had YOUTH LEADERS yes, the youth leaders from my crazy church help me through this. I experienced a deeper connection with Crystal as she threw up every morning in my kitchen.

February
So By this time I was with Mackay haha. (Actually it was before Feb.) I got sick a lot this month, I was by this time contemplating my cheer tryouts (whether I was going to or not.) Uhh, This was during Seussical and when Steven sat with _______ during the show. This is when he liked her and this is when I got jealous. Terrible I know. Uh I remember a lot of singing.

March
Still with Mackay, and we had spring break camp to look forward to. I was the leader of Tabor, which was notorious for winning, and I definitely dominated with the hot pink team. WHOO! :] Um, then we had the lake house trip, with Steven, Calvin and me. Then we invited Phuong and Peter out. haha Steven knew me TOO well. Needless to say, we had fun that month, OH this is when I tried out for choirs again, and this time signed up for “Show Choir” hoping that I’d do something right this time.

April
Sexy Seventeen! And semi Legal in the state of Texas! I could have been pressed and charged as an adult! A little later this month, I didn’t make the show call back list, which i was absolutely devestated about, and Mackay and I ended our relationship. Which just caught me at a bad time with the tryouts so obviously, I cried. HAHA I’m a terrible person. Anyways, turns out the show thing was a mistake and I made it after all (good golly!)

May
The month of the choir’s annual spring show, and around the time of AP testing. YAY stress! Along with stress came another boyfriend. And blah blah whatever whatever. Spring show was fun though, I remember that most vividly. OH and April’s spring show! I went out wift all her friend again as usual :D Oh and cheer tryouts, I was soooo nervous! But who wasn’t? I remember I was getting ready with Amy for her band banquet and then I called in to listen to results. I jumped and screamed like a baby. Most exciting news EVER.

June
the boyfriend of the time left for 6 weeks. I hung out with whoever came over. My job started and life was just eaasssyyy breezy. OH and Bryan graduated, that’s big news! And then Tad wanted to run me over with his car, because as his cousin, I’m not allowed to make fun of him. Whatevs I still kick him.

July
I remember a lot of sweat. Yeah I should considering Cheer season kicked off the early summer start with conditioning/preparation for UCA camp downtown. OHH it was just so much fun bonding with all the girls and really enjoying the first part of senior year. MINUS the parents coming down because of a “prank gone wrong” type of deal. BUT WHATEVS, we did what seniors should normally do. It was fun, it’s how we run things. Apparently, this prank was much more harmless than the ones in previous years, (uh I heard last years was bad and my JV year was just GROSSSSS but haha the memories)

August
Dreading school, Cheer practice was killer PLUS work. My senior schedule was messed up, but it worked out for the better cause a week into school starting, the boyfriend left me to fulfill the wishes of his mother. Mkay. End of that, whatevs. Uh Football season was starting off great and I absolutely loved Friday nights. Quit my last job for another and focused on school and cheer ahaha. Show choir=amazing. I love it. wait. LOVE IT.

September
Needless to say, it was hate kristina month. :] Baylor day took place, getting ASKED as a date to someone else’s homecoming. Contemplation, however I was put on lockdown, err. “grace period” established by Crystal to ensure that I wouldn’t get into something I’d regret later. Thus that happened. Needless to say, this month was memorable, I was single for ALL OF IT! :]

October
Growing closer to my best friend, and just getting close in general, it took quite a while for him and I to establish anything. My Homecoming, which we won by ONE touchdown, oh my goodness, it was such a close race and I wanted to faint. Uh, I was on homecoming court, so naturally I didn’t win, although my entry was quite original. haha “Long walks on the beach, dancing in the moonlight, singing in the rain” Nothing less from me. Steven’s homecoming, where everything should’ve and could’ve spewed out, however I refrained and he refrained because we’re lame :] BUT THAT’S OKAY YOU STILL SMELL GOOD, HONEY! Oh and him spending the night hahha. good times. Miss him still.

November
It was just a month ago? about. Um it was when Steven and I got into a wreck, THANK YOU GOD THAT HE’S OKAY. We watched Aladdin afterwards :] haha like that makes the situation any lighter. Let’s see, Thanksgiving, I got fat. Crystal and I kept saying that we’d get up and run, but after 10 minutes of Dane Cook videos, her and I passed out on her bed for a nice…little…nap. Black Friday shopping, aka, the shopping that involved more pink bags than Victoria’s Secret can dish out. I got everyone’s gifts :]

December
I think I was more stressed this month than any other. Kill me now that I haven’t started homework. Kill me now that college seems like a figment of my imagination. Story of my life : I worry about money problems. But I got my booger boo to look after me right? :]

A year in review? There wasn’t much to say from this year. You lose some, you win some. Did I grow wiser? Perhaps. Did I learn from my mistakes? I sure hope so, because DAMN, some of those mistakes were more painful than I could’ve ever imagined. Did I fulfill my resolutions? To be fit, yes, other things, I could’ve done better on. Looking onto this past year, with Obama as president and with my right wing conservative family, i don’t know still. But I can honestly say that I lived most of those days doing what I could’ve, doing what I wanted to do whether it was to play and giggle and laugh, or to ball up and cry. Did I live well this last year? I’d like to think so.

I just want this next one to be just as badass.

NEW YEARS REZ:

1. Obtain Hot body again.
2. Obtain naval piercing.
3. Abstain from medication given, I hate them hate them hate them.
4. Love like it never hurt to love before.
5. Keep room cleaner? hahahahahah SURE.
6. Find a way back into faith, if not, find a way to live well.
7. Avoid cycles.

tell me you care. Go ahead. It’s okay.
You can blame me.
I know I’m the cause of your failing marriage.

forgive me

for windows yay!!!!

I’m so glad so happy so alksjflkasjf!

1. I’m terrified.
2. I want some sliver of hope to shine on through
3. I failed. At this, that and everything.
4. I’m concerned with myself right now. Selfish yes. Do I care? FUCK NO.
5. If mother bugs me one more time I’ll lose it I swear to God.
6. I kinda want to jump off a cliff for this.
7. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB.

Note to self: panic attacks suck. Medication does so much. I need to breathe.

I am going to Hell.
Not really,  but lets get into a spiel, a complaint, rant almost. Religion, Faith…whatever you may call it. There’s something about people now a days.
1st off, because I have lied, because I have disliked others strongly IT DOES NOT IN ANY WAY MAKE ME A BLASPHEMOUS, DIRTY, TRECHEROUS SCHEMING MURDERESS.

However some would like to debate that I am going directly to hell.
To those who believe in calling in others to the grace of God through fear, you are entirely…wrong. I do not agree to one extent that our petty sins are sending us straight to condemnation and that God will spit upon the images of us as his sinners. I do believe we fall out of Grace.

I don’t believe that shoving your beliefs down our throats will solve the problem of the “lack of religion” because frankly, the shoving that whatever may be, is driving more people from faith in general. Christ, is all merciful and if you TRULY believe that you are TRULY sorry for your sins and sincerely do your penance with all that you believe in, then yes, your grace can be restored. It is not because we believe that there is a God shape figure cut out in our hearts and that it is easily filled with a few scattered and mumbled words in silent reflection. We believe to do these acts of grace fully, maybe not all of us, but I sure do.

So don’t tell me I’m going to hell. I’m pissed enough. OH WAIT
we’re all sinners I’m condemned. End.

I’m confused, should I be upset FOR you or should I be concerned with the fact that you have less then a year in college and yet you still haven’t shown a sign of maturity. Terribly difficult situation, honest.

my body’s lacking the workout it needs, and LOOK the weather with it being 32 degrees F I think it’s the PERFECT time to go run, hyperventilate, and die :]

I’m lacking a lot of things right now, right now I’m lacking initiative and I need to change it now. So my first order of business, run a mile, burn a bunch of calories and get fit during the winter season, I hate feeling lethargically disgusting. However I need to keep a list (haha my list tendencies) of things I should and WILL (I am aware that this is a bold statement) fulfill.
1. Keep healthy, the winter is no excuse for me to get large…er.
2. Learn to love a bit more, I’m oddly bitter towards some people.
3. Get off the medication and ignore your doc. because you hate the medication, you’re more than positive that it’s sucking the life out of you, and because it’s not you.
4. Be buried in your quiet love.

Can’t wait till you get back :]

You’re my Honeybunch, Sugarplum Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You’re my Sweetie Pie You’re my Cuppycake, Gumdrop Snoogums-Boogums, You’re the Apple of my Eye And I love you so and I want you to know That I’ll always be right here And I love to sing sweet songs to you Because you are so dear

I professed the undenying truth that my boyfriend, Steven, is in fact a fruit. MY fruit. The only fruit I would take (aka. the goofy ones that smell bad :]) But in reality he doesn’t smell bad, and in reality he truly is goofy.
Today I missed him a lot more. Today I know what’s going to happen when I see his goofy face (punch him, duh.) Today I was told some really funny news.
Today:

1.my brother and I will laugh at this hilarious news.
2.I will still think you’re selfish.
3. I will accept myself for who I am. (still loving the skin I’m in.)
4.I will be happier than a bird with a french fry

define “home.”
You have to create that meaning.

when can you? I don’t know.

Il avait un coeur noir. Elle est compassionment. Il n’aime pas les animaux pauvre. Elle s’occupe les animaux. Il a vu la femme.
Elle n’aime pas le garcon. Il avait aider les animaux.
Elle a vu le coeur de garcon est un coeur d’or. Elle aime beaucoup.

Je t’aime elle dit.

Je t’aime aussi, il a dit.

Puis ils on habite heureusement jamais apres.

FIN.

is a rariety

I hope it sleets or something terrible weather related happens, that would be splendid.